News Flash: Crazy Statistics!!



Picture from: http://myhome.iolfree.ie/~lightbulb/Research.html

 Warped Reality Headquarters, a few years ago, sent out multiply scientists and researchers to uncover and study several statistics regarding important matters of daily life, and their findings were shocking! Blow your mind by reading what our researchers had spent years on uncovering.

Statistic 1: 100% of car accidents involve atleast ONE car.

Statistic 2: People who go to school tend to perform significantly better on exams than those who don't attend school.

Statistic 3: If your parents never had children, 100% of the time, you won't either.

Statistic 4: 100% of males are boys, and likewise, 100% of females are girls

Statistic 5: People who don't sleep are very likely to be tired

Statistic 6: People who are blind often cannot see, as such, people who are deaf often cannot hear

Statistic 7: People who drink a glass of water for 36500 days without fail will ALWAYS live to be 100 years old

Statistic 8: Those who have passed away tend to consume less oxygen than those who are still alive

Statistic 9: 100% of people who read this blog tend to be more informed, smarter, and all together more cooler than people who don't (get the hint!!)

Statistic 10: People who are 10 years old have also at one point been 9, 8, 7, 6 and so on in their lives

These are just TEN of the many that our top researchers uncovered! If you know anymore interesting statistics, be sure to leave them in the comments section!

News Flash: AP Exams

http://zerooutoffive.blogspot.com/2009/08/scantron-i-failed.html

In schools all across the country, students are preparing for their Advanced Placement examinations, that will encompass all of the content that they have learned over the course of the year. As one student astutely puts it, "Oh S**t..."

Students have been working diligently with their teachers and peers to best prepare themselves. As one teacher said "MY STUDENTS AREN'T PREPARED! OH MY GOD WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!" At this point the interviewed teacher turned a bright shade of scarlet red and collapsed sputtering random facts likely plucked from previous years AP exams.

The freshman, most of which aren't taking AP exams this year have had a chance to see the intense frustration brought about by these much anticipated tests. One freshman told us "I'm taking ten AP exams this year in order to prepare my self for the 23 that I'll be taking next year!" Show off... Our confidence was reassured when she added "By the way, I have no life." Unfortunately, the kid was destined to fail regardless of her infinite studying and loserness.

We then went further to analyze these so called "Tests of Mass Paranoia and Suffering," and we have come to the conclusion that these tests were released unto the United States by terrorist organizations! Terrorists are no longer the disheveled, AK-47 wielding, blood shot eyed men as they were once recognized as. No, they've found a new target, seeing as they cannot defeat the United States military. They are targeting our children! These incredibly difficult tests have had substantial negative effects on the minds of our youth. Rises in blood pressure, blood clots, madness, post-dramatic stress, hallucinations, and obesity have been charted upon the release of these AP tests.

We questioned one student who had recently taken the AP Spanish test, and he had this to say: "Oh my god, this was THE hardest test I've taken in my life! It's like it was in another language! How am I supposed to know what 'yo tengo un lapiz' is supposed to mean?!" At this moment, the student suffered a panic attack and was dragged off site by his parents who stapled an AP review book to his head. But that's not even the worst! We conducted a follow up interview with another student who had recently finished taking her AP procrastinating exam, and this is what she had to say: "It was the hardest test that I ever took! So I didn't! I waited till the last 5 minutes so that I could get into my 'zone,' and then I managed to finish 3.827 questions. I think I got a 5!"

The first week of AP exams is over, and the second week starting this Monday. I hope you fail! JK, good luck. But seriously, DON'T FAIL!!!

News Flash: Halloween!

Picture From: http://keetsa.com/blog/eco-friendly/11-tips-to-make-your-halloween-eco-friendly/

The upcoming holiday of Halloween, originating in Ireland, is one of many that have been adopted into American culture. On this night, ghosts and ghouls, vampires and werewolves, and the scariest of all, Hannah Montana, gather to engage in the popular activity of the theft and consumption of high glucose solids wrapped in colorful paper used as a mask to cover the true artery clogging, fat building, teeth rotting yumminess inside. More popularly called, Trick-or-Treating.

Along with the a raise in heart attacks, Halloween also marks a rise in pumpkin sales. Millions of Americans have bought pumpkins in order to hollow them out, deface them, and let them rot. "I'm really excited to see how fast the mold spreads," one kid told us. No matter where you are, you can look forward to a wide assortment of lame carved pumpkins that you feel a sudden urge to kick over and chop into pieces with an Axe.

But above, don't forget to waste time, scare little kids, and get obscenely fat. Happy Halloween!