P.E.T.A. complains against "Angry Birds" for animal cruelty!!



http://android.gamersrecon.com/2011/02/21/highly-acclaimed-free-classic-single-player-smash-hit-angry-birds/

 The quite popular application on the Android App Market and Apple's App Store has taken the world by storm. That is, a storm of chaotic, lethal, killer birds! Don't be fooled by their vibrant colors, their cartoonish appearance, their seemingly small, feeble, round bodies! Underneath those brightly colored feathers lies a powerful killing machine; one that has been the midievel castle's worst nightmare, the carpenters mortal enemy, the eskimo's downfall. Yet even with all of this known threat posed by these avian BMD (Birds of Mass Destruction), P.E.T.A. has still seen the game release as an attack against animal rights.

Representatives from Warped Reality Headquarters sent representatives to speak with P.E.T.A. regarding their concerns for the hit game. Meeting with the people in charge, our representatives were able to conduct an interview and gather information which could possible open up an entirely new view on the destructive game.

We asked: So what exactly is P.E.T.A. complaining against? And we received a prompt responce of: "We feel as if animals are being exploited for the amusement of others. Birds are catapulted into solid stone boulders, wood planks, ice blocks, explosives, and worst of all, OTHER animals! What about the fat pigs? What made them green? Where they fed some harmful chemicals to turn their skin this shade? And why are they being shot at? You could see at the end of every 'course' that there were bruises and bleeding on the pigs, what about that?! Oh, and one more thing. WHY IS THE BLACK BIRD EXPLODING?!"

At this point, the representative suffered a heart attack from a spike in his blood pressure.

We then talked to the creators of Angry Birds, and recieved this as a responce to all of the questions asked by P.E.T.A.

Q: What made  pigs green?
A: Well, where do you think Green eggs and HAM comes from? GREEN PIGS!

Q: Why are the pigs being shot at?
A: The pigs are wanted criminals in 54 states, 32 countries, 8 continents, 12 galaxies, 13 dimensions, and Cuba. I think we can all agree that Angry Birds is our way of bringing justice.

Q: Why does the black bird explode?
A: It has a rare eating disorder (which explains its unnaturally round shape) which causes it to explode due to overindulging

Q: Why is the yellow bird shaped like a triangle?
A: It was born with a rare bone condition which causes it to morph into the figure of a triangle

Q: Is the fat white bird a male or female?
A: It lays eggs, so its obviously a genetically engineered super chicken male

P.E.T.A. continues their efforts to stop the marketing of this "crime against animal kind," while my partner and I continue to try and beat level 3 in stage 2 of Angry Birds Seasons.

Google Motion Hits the Streets!!



http://jotaperealini.blogspot.com/

 The absolutely revolutionary and amazing new product to hit the markets will change the way we send emails. Coined as "Google Motion," by the Google developers, this new product ensures a completely different medium by which a person may, compose, format, and send/reply an email. Dance! That's exactly right! Those mad dance skills that you've been locking up to the bowels of your parent's basement can finally be utilized and shown to their truest potential. View this video for more information Google Motion.

My partner and I have had the honor of trying out this product for ourselves, which I remind you, is absolutely free! After a brief trial, we were sold on it. We could dance to all kinds of songs, like (song), (song), and (song) and have Google Motion spit out a perfectly crafted message! For example, after my partner jammed out "Centerfold," by J. Geils Band, he was able to compose the accurate and grammatically correct message of:

Deer Señorita Bill,

          My cat is had a very badly ear infection in shis tonsils, and wanteds very right immediately daycare in a hospitals. The helping out for fixing for the blood clot can be only grown in Barbados, no in Lesser Antilles?$A% Is possible dat the kitty gets bandage for shis tonsils so du ear infection not doe sprade more out? The feline painful is in but don't talk. Thinking ahead, I maileded to you, you helpeds me bfor wit mah doggy wit shis tonsils infection out of his tumoch.

                                                           Sincerely,

                                                                           Bob Harland

What a masterpiece right? After our review of this new product, we found that within the immense genius and creativity of Google Motion, lies a couple of minute and negligible flaws that do not affect the overall quality of the otherwise revolutionary medium.




http://mail.google.com/mail/help/motion.html

 Some of these flaws include the fact that messages can only be signed off as user "Bob Harland." However, Bob Harland, must be a very common name or else Google would never have used it. In addition, another minute flaw is that Google Motion is known to convert - at random points - the text into a foreign language. However, SOMEONE must speak the language, so the recipient of the email can always hire a translator if need be.

Another flaw we uncovered was that Google Motion is so powerful, that it also tracks the motion of objects BEHIND the intended user. As I was preparing to write a long and lengthy love poem to my online girlfriend on Maple Story (Not really, I don't have a girlfriend), Google Motion was also able to track the motion of my 26 cats in the background. The poem came out as follows:

                                                                   Roses are fat
                                                                 Violets are fake
                                                             I think it's time for you
                                                            to lay off the cheesecake

And as beautiful and heartfelt as this poem was, it could not satisfy my girlfriend. She dumped me *sniff* one week before we were to be married.

But regardless, I could go on and on and on forever about the countless minute flaws of Google Motion, but I don't think that's what you want to read. So take this time, and visit the website (Download Here) and test out this amazing product for yourself!!

Rating: 4.5 / 5

WARNING: Warped Reality is not held liable for any injuries that you may sustain. Google Motion is not a medium for working out, nor should it be used as such without proper attention. Steer clear of other objects, as some of the motions required can be very wild, and could pose a danger to humans of animals within proximity. Wii fit moves do not correspond with Google Motion commands.

Model UN is the REAL UN!!

                                 Picture by: http://www.mtsn.org.uk/Model-United-Nations.aspx

A popular club in junior high schools and high schools is Model UN. In this club, students are assigned to a nation over which they are a representative in one of several committees including UNHCR, UN Habitat, and the General Assembly. Students are assigned a couple months prior to competitions to research their nation, recognize that nation's stance on issues, develop and understanding of that nation's past, and then prepare policy papers and speeches regarding that topic. At the end of the long period of time for preparation, there is a two day competition in which schools send their representatives and a "mock" UN is hosted. Sounds like a great club right? WRONG!!

Our spies at Warped Reality had their suspicions from the beginning, and were sent in to investigate this seemingly harmless competition. The findings were shocking. This competition wasn't simply a "mock" UN, it was THE UN! These kids, unknowingly, were asked to research their nation and develop policy statements on their behalf. And whatever resolutions that were passed in the competition were actually being passed in the real world! Our UN is being run by high school students!

Further news will be brought concerning this topic as soon as more findings are released and assessed.

Official Rejection: Cool People Discussing Video Games in Physics Class Podcast

They obviously have no graphic design skills

The internet is full of useless stupid people discussing subjects that nobody actually cares about. Each day, more losers add their podcasts and blogs to this huge junk pile of crap, thereby making more and more lives miserable. A new podcast, entitled Cool People Discussing Video Games in Physics Class, does absolutely nothing to prevent this coming apocalypse. Instead it furthers it, by adding the opinions of 4 losers to this mess of videos, Facebook posts, and images of kittens known as the Internet. In it, 4 random dudes ramble on about boring stuff like video games, and random stupid technology crap. Yeah, I know, it's lame. For this abject failure at life, we present the Cool People Discussing Video Games in Physics Class podcast with an Official Rejection. This indicates that it is not worth your time, so don't even bother following them on Facebook, or checking out Episode 2 or Episode 1. Trust me. It's really that bad.

News Flash: Midterm Elections!

Picture From: http://politics-and-world-5678.blogspot.com/2010/09/midterm-elections-2010-latest-updates.html

With the U.S. Midterm Elections approaching in 2 days, tensions all around the country are heating. Based off polls and trends in congress, analysts predict heavy losses for the Democrats. I a quote by Obama, "There is no doubt that this is a difficult election."

Or, in a language that most people can understand, "We're screwed." Joe Biden, in preparation for the race, was seen hitting his campaign managers with McCain posters. "When you get knocked down, there's only one thing to do. Get up. Get up and vote." Public awareness over the election is also gaining traction, as more people to consider who they will select as there candidate. "Is that for the Superbowl?", said one citizen. The elections even prompted a rally by pundits John Stewart and Stephen Colbert, asking all Mormon Jay-Z fans to get in their cars and drive through a narrow strip of road. "I think this is metaphor something," commented one spectator, "But I'm really not sure what... Maybe it has to do with standing in line for Superbowl tickets?"

But above all, one message has solidified from the chaos of the midterms. Vote. For, if you vote, you will be further contributing to the giant power-ball lottery known as democratic elections.

News Flash: Halloween!

Picture From: http://keetsa.com/blog/eco-friendly/11-tips-to-make-your-halloween-eco-friendly/

The upcoming holiday of Halloween, originating in Ireland, is one of many that have been adopted into American culture. On this night, ghosts and ghouls, vampires and werewolves, and the scariest of all, Hannah Montana, gather to engage in the popular activity of the theft and consumption of high glucose solids wrapped in colorful paper used as a mask to cover the true artery clogging, fat building, teeth rotting yumminess inside. More popularly called, Trick-or-Treating.

Along with the a raise in heart attacks, Halloween also marks a rise in pumpkin sales. Millions of Americans have bought pumpkins in order to hollow them out, deface them, and let them rot. "I'm really excited to see how fast the mold spreads," one kid told us. No matter where you are, you can look forward to a wide assortment of lame carved pumpkins that you feel a sudden urge to kick over and chop into pieces with an Axe.

But above, don't forget to waste time, scare little kids, and get obscenely fat. Happy Halloween!

Oil Spill In The Gulf Is A Government Conspiracy! Must Read!

Picture from: http://www.cryptomundo.com/cryptozoo-news/hobbs-hob/

As you may have heard on the news, at school, at work, at home, at your mom's house, at your dad's house, in the cardboard box you live in, the Gulf coast oil spill has been expanding at a rapid rate and threatens the lives of many marine wildlife. This catastrophic disaster has been stirring alarm all across the United States. So pack yo kids, pack yo wife, and pack yo husband 'cause they callin' everybody out here! Wrong!

Our top reporter went on the scene and interviewed some marine wildlife about their experiences with the oil spill. Mr. fat old sea cow, had this to say, "......." From this response, it is clear that the wildlife have not been affected at all by this so called "world catastrophe," as the government is leading us all the believe.

This government conspiracy suggests that something is being hidden from the public. Common questions being asked regarding it include: "Is there really an oil spill?" "If there is, can we blame exxon just because?" "Were the images photoshopped?" "Can I meet Mr. fat old sea cow?" "What time is it?" and lastly "Why are you wasting my time asking me quesions?"

A further analysis will be conducted in order to confirm that the government is messing with our minds.