Sunday, October 31, 2010

News Flash: Halloween!

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The upcoming holiday of Halloween, originating in Ireland, is one of many that have been adopted into American culture. On this night, ghosts and ghouls, vampires and werewolves, and the scariest of all, Hannah Montana, gather to engage in the popular activity of the theft and consumption of high glucose solids wrapped in colorful paper used as a mask to cover the true artery clogging, fat building, teeth rotting yumminess inside. More popularly called, Trick-or-Treating.

Along with the a raise in heart attacks, Halloween also marks a rise in pumpkin sales. Millions of Americans have bought pumpkins in order to hollow them out, deface them, and let them rot. "I'm really excited to see how fast the mold spreads," one kid told us. No matter where you are, you can look forward to a wide assortment of lame carved pumpkins that you feel a sudden urge to kick over and chop into pieces with an Axe.

But above, don't forget to waste time, scare little kids, and get obscenely fat. Happy Halloween!

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