Friday, April 22, 2011

P.E.T.A. complains against "Angry Birds" for animal cruelty!!
 The quite popular application on the Android App Market and Apple's App Store has taken the world by storm. That is, a storm of chaotic, lethal, killer birds! Don't be fooled by their vibrant colors, their cartoonish appearance, their seemingly small, feeble, round bodies! Underneath those brightly colored feathers lies a powerful killing machine; one that has been the midievel castle's worst nightmare, the carpenters mortal enemy, the eskimo's downfall. Yet even with all of this known threat posed by these avian BMD (Birds of Mass Destruction), P.E.T.A. has still seen the game release as an attack against animal rights.

Representatives from Warped Reality Headquarters sent representatives to speak with P.E.T.A. regarding their concerns for the hit game. Meeting with the people in charge, our representatives were able to conduct an interview and gather information which could possible open up an entirely new view on the destructive game.

We asked: So what exactly is P.E.T.A. complaining against? And we received a prompt responce of: "We feel as if animals are being exploited for the amusement of others. Birds are catapulted into solid stone boulders, wood planks, ice blocks, explosives, and worst of all, OTHER animals! What about the fat pigs? What made them green? Where they fed some harmful chemicals to turn their skin this shade? And why are they being shot at? You could see at the end of every 'course' that there were bruises and bleeding on the pigs, what about that?! Oh, and one more thing. WHY IS THE BLACK BIRD EXPLODING?!"

At this point, the representative suffered a heart attack from a spike in his blood pressure.

We then talked to the creators of Angry Birds, and recieved this as a responce to all of the questions asked by P.E.T.A.

Q: What made  pigs green?
A: Well, where do you think Green eggs and HAM comes from? GREEN PIGS!

Q: Why are the pigs being shot at?
A: The pigs are wanted criminals in 54 states, 32 countries, 8 continents, 12 galaxies, 13 dimensions, and Cuba. I think we can all agree that Angry Birds is our way of bringing justice.

Q: Why does the black bird explode?
A: It has a rare eating disorder (which explains its unnaturally round shape) which causes it to explode due to overindulging

Q: Why is the yellow bird shaped like a triangle?
A: It was born with a rare bone condition which causes it to morph into the figure of a triangle

Q: Is the fat white bird a male or female?
A: It lays eggs, so its obviously a genetically engineered super chicken male

P.E.T.A. continues their efforts to stop the marketing of this "crime against animal kind," while my partner and I continue to try and beat level 3 in stage 2 of Angry Birds Seasons.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Google Motion Hits the Streets!!
 The absolutely revolutionary and amazing new product to hit the markets will change the way we send emails. Coined as "Google Motion," by the Google developers, this new product ensures a completely different medium by which a person may, compose, format, and send/reply an email. Dance! That's exactly right! Those mad dance skills that you've been locking up to the bowels of your parent's basement can finally be utilized and shown to their truest potential. View this video for more information Google Motion.

My partner and I have had the honor of trying out this product for ourselves, which I remind you, is absolutely free! After a brief trial, we were sold on it. We could dance to all kinds of songs, like (song), (song), and (song) and have Google Motion spit out a perfectly crafted message! For example, after my partner jammed out "Centerfold," by J. Geils Band, he was able to compose the accurate and grammatically correct message of:

Deer SeƱorita Bill,
          My cat is had a very badly ear infection in shis tonsils, and wanteds very right immediately daycare in a hospitals. The helping out for fixing for the blood clot can be only grown in Barbados, no in Lesser Antilles?$A% Is possible dat the kitty gets bandage for shis tonsils so du ear infection not doe sprade more out? The feline painful is in but don't talk. Thinking ahead, I maileded to you, you helpeds me bfor wit mah doggy wit shis tonsils infection out of his tumoch.

                                                                           Bob Harland

What a masterpiece right? After our review of this new product, we found that within the immense genius and creativity of Google Motion, lies a couple of minute and negligible flaws that do not affect the overall quality of the otherwise revolutionary medium.
 Some of these flaws include the fact that messages can only be signed off as user "Bob Harland." However, Bob Harland, must be a very common name or else Google would never have used it. In addition, another minute flaw is that Google Motion is known to convert - at random points - the text into a foreign language. However, SOMEONE must speak the language, so the recipient of the email can always hire a translator if need be.

Another flaw we uncovered was that Google Motion is so powerful, that it also tracks the motion of objects BEHIND the intended user. As I was preparing to write a long and lengthy love poem to my online girlfriend on Maple Story (Not really, I don't have a girlfriend), Google Motion was also able to track the motion of my 26 cats in the background. The poem came out as follows:

                                                                   Roses are fat
                                                                 Violets are fake
                                                             I think it's time for you
                                                            to lay off the cheesecake

And as beautiful and heartfelt as this poem was, it could not satisfy my girlfriend. She dumped me *sniff* one week before we were to be married.

But regardless, I could go on and on and on forever about the countless minute flaws of Google Motion, but I don't think that's what you want to read. So take this time, and visit the website (Download Here) and test out this amazing product for yourself!!

Rating: 4.5 / 5

WARNING: Warped Reality is not held liable for any injuries that you may sustain. Google Motion is not a medium for working out, nor should it be used as such without proper attention. Steer clear of other objects, as some of the motions required can be very wild, and could pose a danger to humans of animals within proximity. Wii fit moves do not correspond with Google Motion commands.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

ICC Cricket World Cup CHAMPIONS!!

Picture from:

India emerged victorious after a long and intense battle against Sri Lanka. But in the end, only one team will go down in history, only one team will be able to hoist the cup over their heads, only one team will be able to claim the title. INDIA!!! With an amazingly close game, India's Dhoni pulled the team to an astounding victory with a 6 point hit, winning the game with over 10 balls left. With a final score of 277 - 274, India defeated the competition in a close game.

It remained a very close game throughout. Tensions were high, as India struggled to gain a foothold over the points to balls ratio. Each time India pulled ahead in terms of points needed to balls left, Sri Lanka struggled and strived to push the team back. But in the last 20 balls left, India, with 4 wickets, struck hard with several 4 pointers and the spectacular, game-winning 6 point! The players were exhausted, but proud and excited netherless.

Each and every player deserves to be commended for the team effort that was exhibited throughout the spectacle. Sachin Tendulkar, Mahendra Singh Dhoni (Team captain), and many others fought valiently to pull ahead of the contendors, and their strong efforts were fruitful. Let it be remembered, that on April 2, 2011, India took home the World Cup, and reclaimed their title after 28 years!!

Congratulations to EACH AND EVERY team that participated, and thank you for a spectacular performance. And Congratulations to Yuvraj for winning the Man of the tournament award. We salute you!! INDIA!!! INDIA!!! INDIA!!!