Friday, April 22, 2011

P.E.T.A. complains against "Angry Birds" for animal cruelty!!
 The quite popular application on the Android App Market and Apple's App Store has taken the world by storm. That is, a storm of chaotic, lethal, killer birds! Don't be fooled by their vibrant colors, their cartoonish appearance, their seemingly small, feeble, round bodies! Underneath those brightly colored feathers lies a powerful killing machine; one that has been the midievel castle's worst nightmare, the carpenters mortal enemy, the eskimo's downfall. Yet even with all of this known threat posed by these avian BMD (Birds of Mass Destruction), P.E.T.A. has still seen the game release as an attack against animal rights.

Representatives from Warped Reality Headquarters sent representatives to speak with P.E.T.A. regarding their concerns for the hit game. Meeting with the people in charge, our representatives were able to conduct an interview and gather information which could possible open up an entirely new view on the destructive game.

We asked: So what exactly is P.E.T.A. complaining against? And we received a prompt responce of: "We feel as if animals are being exploited for the amusement of others. Birds are catapulted into solid stone boulders, wood planks, ice blocks, explosives, and worst of all, OTHER animals! What about the fat pigs? What made them green? Where they fed some harmful chemicals to turn their skin this shade? And why are they being shot at? You could see at the end of every 'course' that there were bruises and bleeding on the pigs, what about that?! Oh, and one more thing. WHY IS THE BLACK BIRD EXPLODING?!"

At this point, the representative suffered a heart attack from a spike in his blood pressure.

We then talked to the creators of Angry Birds, and recieved this as a responce to all of the questions asked by P.E.T.A.

Q: What made  pigs green?
A: Well, where do you think Green eggs and HAM comes from? GREEN PIGS!

Q: Why are the pigs being shot at?
A: The pigs are wanted criminals in 54 states, 32 countries, 8 continents, 12 galaxies, 13 dimensions, and Cuba. I think we can all agree that Angry Birds is our way of bringing justice.

Q: Why does the black bird explode?
A: It has a rare eating disorder (which explains its unnaturally round shape) which causes it to explode due to overindulging

Q: Why is the yellow bird shaped like a triangle?
A: It was born with a rare bone condition which causes it to morph into the figure of a triangle

Q: Is the fat white bird a male or female?
A: It lays eggs, so its obviously a genetically engineered super chicken male

P.E.T.A. continues their efforts to stop the marketing of this "crime against animal kind," while my partner and I continue to try and beat level 3 in stage 2 of Angry Birds Seasons.


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  2. The answers are nonsense. This game is a failed one. Then, kids will try to take a bird and hit those damn pigs in real life. I didn't felt the Angry Bird getting famous. It's just that it's a nonsense game. The objectives of the game is the same as using a catapult hitting a wall or something like that. But, why did they use birds and walls with pigs in this shit game? I think that the Angry Birds creators were just a bunch of st*p*d.

    1. think that was the point dude XD also your acting like p.e.t.a, flipping your sh*t over nothing. did anyone every consider the fact that it would be impossible to put a bird into a damn catapult? much less catch one, ESPIECIALLY a child

  3. We at Warped Reality Headquarters understand your concern for the public youth. We will certainly cite you as a concerned citizen in future articles. THE TRUTH MUST BE REVEALED!!

  4. Angry Birds is awesome and PETA needs to calm their nips